My Subjective Internet Museum
Welcome to my subjective internet museum. I have decided to call it this because it is based not really on objective history but more so on my experience of the web from late 1990s up until the early teens. For example you are not going to see the oldest of anything here, unless I personally experienced it. Another thing, I have avoided including things that get mentioned about the old internet frequently. For example, The Hamster Dance and It’s Raining Tacos. I was around for both of these and have them on regular rotation when I listen to music, but they get a fair amount of mention. These are the only two criteria for inclusion in my museum. Just because I include something here does not necessarily mean I like it. There will be at least one thing here that was not for me, that was quite popular and fits in with the time frame mentioned above. I am going to attempt to order each of these items in chronological order, but this may not necessarily be perfect.
Museum Entries
Planet Namek Dot Com Regurge - (I did it all for the) Pokee by Wimp Pissed Kid by estudio Dot Com Here Comes Dr. Tran By Lone Sausage Noodles on My Back (also known as The Hippo Song) by Steven Wilson Fake scam chats on sites Shoes by Liam Kyle Sullivan Big Bill’s Hell Super Smash Bros Mojo Bowser’s Kingdom Jones’ (Good Ass) BBQ and Foot MassagePlanet Namek Dot Com
This was the first website I ever visited back in 1999. As the name probably gives it away it was a Dragon Ball fan site. If you were a Dragon Ball fan particularly in the US this was a major site. It had pictures and information, like power levels, for seasons that had not aired in the US yet. For context at the time only the Saiyan Saga and the first portion of the Namek Saga was all that had aired. Being able to get glimpses into what was to come, to what was only lunch room rumors for me at that point was a big deal. Mind you this was well before fan wiki sites were a thing. Sadly the site went offline on February 22, 2002, however thanks to the Wayback Machine we can still visit it.
planetnamek.com
Regurge - (I did it all for the) Pokee by Wimp Pissed Kid by estudio Dot Com
This right here is the very first video I ever saw online. It was not on Youtube or Yahoo, but on Shockwave.com. It’s a Pokemon parody of Limp Bizkit’s Nookie. I came across this back in 2000 using a dial up connection and it took about thirty minutes to an hour to get it downloaded. The cool thing about it is that is it included a mini game called my first homie you could play while waiting. My first homie featured a little Fred Durst as a pull string doll. When you pull the string he will say a slang phrase and you will have to guess the meaning. For this entry I have included to options. If you want to watch it as God intended in Shockwave Flash format, use the Internet Archive option. This version also includes the my first homie mini game. If you just want the video check out the Youtube option
Here Comes Dr. Tran By Lone Sausage
Here Comes Dr. Tran is hands down my favorite online video from back in the day. It debuted in 2003, though I did not personally see it until 2008. For me there is so much I love about it. I am a huge fan of absurdist humor and it definitely delivers. It centers around a five year old Vietnamese boy living in a rural village who is being tormented by an omnipotent film preview narrator. He hypes the boy up as a major action film character called Doctor Tran, much to the boys confusion. Not only does he not know what the man is talking about, he has no clue who he is as he is just a floating voice. Would highly recommend it if you love absurdist humor. The art style is reminiscent of early South Park. There were more Dr. Tran episodes/shorts (not sure which of these words are right to describe them) and they are definitely funny, but the first is the best one for me. Eighteen years after seeing it, I still go back to it every so often.
Noodles on My Back (also known as The Hippo Song) by Steven Wilson
Noodles on My Back was an animated video that featured a very catchy song. The song revolves around a hippopotamus who, as you may have guessed from the title, has noodles on his back and his friend named Roy, who likes fishing for coy. It was released on July 12th 2005 on New Grounds. I personally did not come across it until 2008 on Youtube. For this one I have included a Youtube version so it can be watched here and also a link to the original New Grounds
Watch on New GroundsFake scam chats on sites
So I am not actually sure when these started but I encountered them for the first time in 2006. From then up until the early teens, you could scarcely go to any porn, piracy, or otherwise sketchy website without seeing one of these. There would be a box on the side of the page where you would normally see ads. This box would look like an instant messaging app and usually would feature a very attractive woman. It would look as if she was sending you messages but in reality they were canned responses. I have not seen any personally but I have heard with a.i. they are making a comeback.
Shoes by Liam Kyle Sullivan
This is one I never really got into at the time but many of my friends loved it. Shoes is a song and skit satirizing valley girl culture. It came out in 2006 and was one of the earliest viral videos. It was so popular many people were still talking about it in 2008, when I first came across it.
Big Bill’s Hell
This is a bit of a unique case among the entries here in my museum. Unlike other entries this was not made for the internet. If the common story that is connected to this video is true it was created for The Ad Follies (produced by the Advertising Association of Baltimore) in 1990, but never actually shown. It was locked away on a vhs tape until it was stumbled upon in 2006 and then uploaded to the internet. This ad is meant to parody local car dealership ads from the era with a unique twist. The two announcers are constantly abusing the audience. In fact the ad opens with the iconic “Fuck You Baltimore!” While this is likely the earliest created piece I have featured here, it is one of, if not the latest one in regards to my personal experience. I first came across this in game from SAGE 2021, called Buck Up and Drive! In this game there are many numerous humorous billboards, one of which featuring the iconic, “Fuck You Baltimore!”. At first I thought the developer just had beef with Charm City, but upon further digging I discovered Big Bill’s Hell. Becaus ethis video is age restricted on Youtube and thus can only be played there, I have embeded it from The Internet Archive so it can be watched without leaving the site
Super Smash Bros Mojo
Super Smash Bros Mojo this was a core part of my 2007. I am a huge fan of Super Smash Bros, it’s my second favorite video game series, second only to the classic Sonic series. In the months and years leading up to the release of Super Smash Brothers Brawl, Masahiro Sakurai launched a site called Super Smash Bros Dojo in which he would release daily posts giving updates into the development or talk about different characters or features. After sometime a parody site popped up called Super Smash Bros Mojo. In which Rick Gardiner would make parody posts. One of the most infamous examples, one that has really aged like fine wine, is introducing Bill Cosby, YES that Bill Cosby as a playable character. Another very popular tactic was the many posts hinting at Sonic. For context at this time, many in the Smash fandom were expecting Sonic, and he was all but confirmed for Brawl at this point, and Gardiner had a lot of fun with this. He made several posts hinting at confirming Sonic in the title but obviously not confirming. The most well known one of these posts is one called “Sonic Boom”, which just features a jet causing a sonic boom. Sadly very little survives from the website. While it has been back up by the Wayback machine it suffers from an issue that sometimes effects preservation from that era, practically all of the images and videos are missing, leaving what is saved there an empty swiss cheese shell of itself. So little remains I was close to not including it here, however one precious artifact is all I have been able to find but it is a great representation. It is a song called, “Super Cosby Brothers Brawl”, which is a an edit of the Brawl theme with various audio clips of Bill Cosby. In the future I hope to uncover more.
Bowser’s Kingdom
Bowser’s Kingdom is probably my second most favorite animated series from the older internet. It ran from 2007 to 2008, It is a sprite animation that follows the misadventures of two low foot soldiers in Bowser’s army. One is a gomba named Jeff and the other is Hal the koopa troopa. It includes many other enemies as characters in the series such as Steve the over friendly piranha plant, that despite his desire to be friends with them, Jeff and Hall hate. But for me, personally my favorite are the shy guys who all talk with a Christopher Walken like voice. Another memorable character is the Hammerbros, who whenever he gets pissed he says, “That’s it, I’m throwing hammers!”. That is a line I repeated regularly in my daily life.
The series ran for ten episodes, one Halloween special, and a movie. It appeared on New Grounds, with as was common at the time, many fan uploads to Youtube. Here I have included the first episode on both New Grounds so you can see it in its original context and on Youtube so you can watch it here without having to leave
Watch on New GroundsJones’ (Good Ass) BBQ and Foot Massage
Ok, so with this one I am cheating a bit. This one probably gets more attention than any other entry here, but fuck it. I am a sucker for absurd comedy and this is quite a stroke of comedic genius. Jones BBQ and Foot Massage was created as a parody commercial in 2009 by comedian by Robert L. Hines. In it Toby Jones talks about his unique business in which, as you may have guessed from the title, offers both BBQ and foot massages. The absurdity doesn’t stop there, but I wont spoil it for you here. Robert Hines has more videos featuring Toby Jones in parody commercials advertising various odd pairings of businesses. However Jones’ BBQ and Foot Massage has reached legendary status. I first came across this one circa 2012 and have had it stuck in my head ever since.