My Subjective Internet Museum

Welcome to my subjective internet museum. I have decided to call it this because it is based not really on objective history but more so on my experience of the web from late 1990s up until the early teens. For example you are not going to see the oldest of anything here, unless I personally experienced it. Another thing, I have avoided including things that get mentioned about the old internet frequently. For example, The Hamster Dance and It’s Raining Tacos. I was around for both of these and have them on regular rotation when I listen to music, but they get a fair amount of mention. These are the only two criteria for inclusion in my museum. Just because I include something here does not necessarily mean I like it. There will be at least one thing here that was not for me, that was quite popular and fits in with the time frame mentioned above. I am going to attempt to order each of these items in chronological order, but this may not necessarily be perfect.

Planet Namek Dot Com

This was the first website I ever visited back in 1999. As the name probably gives it away it was a Dragon Ball fan site. If you were a Dragon Ball fan particularly in the US this was a major site. It had pictures and information, like power levels, for seasons that had not aired in the US yet. For context at the time only the Saiyan Saga and the first portion of the Namek Saga was all that had aired. Being able to get glimpses into what was to come, to what was only lunch room rumors for me at that point was a big deal. Mind you this was well before fan wiki sites were a thing. Sadly the site went offline on February 22, 2002, however thanks to the Wayback Machine we can still visit it.

planetnamek.com

Regurge - (I did it all for the) Pokee by Wimp Pissed Kid by estudio.com

This right here is the very first video I ever saw online. It was not on Youtube or Yahoo, but on Shockwave.com. It’s a Pokemon parody of Limp Bizkit’s Nookie. I came across this back in 2000 using a dial up connection and it took about thirty minutes to an hour to get it downloaded. The cool thing about it is that is it included a mini game called my first homie you could play while waiting. My first homie featured a little Fred Durst as a pull string doll. When you pull the string he will say a slang phrase and you will have to guess the meaning. For this entry I have included to options. If you want to watch it as God intended in Shockwave Flash format, use the Internet Archive option. This version also includes the my first homie mini game. If you just want the video check out the Youtube option

Here Comes Dr. Tran By Lone Sausage

Here Comes Dr. Tran is hands down my favorite online video from back in the day. It debuted in 2003, though I did not personally see it until 2008. For me there is so much I love about it. I am a huge fan of absurdist humor and it definitely delivers. It centers around a five year old Vietnamese boy living in a rural village who is being tormented by an omnipotent film preview narrator. He hypes the boy up as a major action film character called Doctor Tran, much to the boys confusion. Not only does he not know what the man is talking about, he has no clue who he is as he is just a floating voice. Would highly recommend it if you love absurdist humor. The art style is reminiscent of early South Park. There were more Dr. Tran episodes/shorts (not sure which of these words are right to describe them) and they are definitely funny, but the first is the best one for me. Eighteen years after seeing it, I still go back to it every so often.

Noodles on My Back (also known as The Hippo Song) by Steven Wilson

Noodles on My Back was an animated video that featured a very catchy song. The song revolves around a hippopotamus who, as you may have guessed from the title, has noodles on his back and his friend named Roy, who likes fishing for coy. It was released on July 12th 2005 on New Grounds. I personally did not come across it until 2008 on Youtube. For this one I have included a Youtube version so it can be watched here and also a link to the original New Grounds

Watch on New Grounds

Fake scam chats on sites

So I am not actually sure when these started but I encountered them for the first time in 2006. From then up until the early teens, you could scarcely go to any porn, piracy, or otherwise sketchy website without seeing one of these. There would be a box on the side of the page where you would normally see ads. This box would look like an instant messaging app and usually would feature a very attractive woman. It would look as if she was sending you messages but in reality they were canned responses. I have not seen any personally but I have heard with a.i. they are making a comeback.

Shoes by Liam Kyle Sullivan

This is one I never really got into at the time but many of my friends loved it. Shoes is a song and skit satirizing valley girl culture. It came out in 2006 and was one of the earliest viral videos. It was so popular many people were still talking about it in 2008, when I first came across it.

Bowser’s Kingdom

Bowser’s Kingdom is probably my second most favorite animated series from the older internet. It ran from 2007 to 2008, It is a sprite animation that follows the misadventures of two low foot soldiers in Bowser’s army. One is a gomba named Jeff and the other is Hal the koopa troopa. It includes many other enemies as characters in the series such as Steve the over friendly piranha plant, that despite his desire to be friends with them, Jeff and Hall hate. But for me, personally my favorite are the shy guys who all talk with a Christopher Walken like voice. Another memorable character is the Hammerbros, who whenever he gets pissed he says, “That’s it, I’m throwing hammers!”. That is a line I repeated regularly in my daily life.

The series ran for ten episodes, one Halloween special, and a movie. It appeared on New Grounds, with as was common at the time, many fan uploads to Youtube. Here I have included the first episode on both New Grounds so you can see it in its original context and on Youtube so you can watch it here without having to leave

Watch on New Grounds

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